


Stay With Me Don't let me Fall

by kitkat0723



Series: Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [4]
Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: Always, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Buck's got Eddie's Back, Eddie Diaz Week 2021, Gen, Guilt, Not Beta Read, Platonic Cuddling, Post Eddie Begins
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-06
Updated: 2021-03-06
Packaged: 2021-03-12 12:01:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29884275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkat0723/pseuds/kitkat0723
Summary: Eddie's still stuck in his head after the well.... sometimes having a best friend to have your back is what you need.
Relationships: Eddie Diaz & Evan "Buck" Buckley
Series: Eddie Diaz Week 2021 [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2188524
Comments: 10
Kudos: 35





	Stay With Me Don't let me Fall

**Author's Note:**

  * For [novemberhush](https://archiveofourown.org/users/novemberhush/gifts).



> I am totally behind in Posting my Eddie Week Fics. 
> 
> Written for Day 4 of Eddie Week - "I don't deserve this" + Guilt. 
> 
> Also a prompt fill for Dee who asked for "Would it help if I stayed" Forever ago. I started this but didn't know how to finish it until now. 
> 
> Platonic love is still love and it's just as important if not more important than romantic love.
> 
> Title from Breaking Benjamin's Ashes of Eden that has nothing at all to do with this fic. I just love that song and it popped into my head as I was finishing this up.

He let himself into the house, exhaustion still plaguing him. The cold still making itself known. Slowly, he walked around the room. Rough hands tracing the smooth wood of the table, the jagged edge of seashells that lined the picture frame. Picking it up, he traced the two faces inside of it. His son, his wife. He carefully sat it down and continued on his journey around the house. He didn’t hear the door closing, didn’t see Buck watching him. Eddie sat on the sofa, staring at nothing, looking at everything. He could have lost it all. He could have lost Christopher, left him alone. When footsteps moved closer, Eddie turned towards the sound.    
Buck stood there, looking as if he aged years in a manner of hours. His hair sticking up, the downside of having to wear the helmets to combat the rain. His normal bright blue eyes were devoid of happiness.  **“Would it help if I stayed? Or do you want to be alone?”**   
Holding out a hand, Eddie reached for Buck. “Stay. I don’t want to be alone.”    
Buck sat down and wrapped an arm around Eddie. “I’m here. I’m glad you are too.”    
Eddie let Buck take some of the weight. Something he still wasn’t used to doing. But just for a while, he could afford to let the weight land on someone else. “I had to cut my line.”    
“I know. You don’t have to tell me, Eddie, I know.” 

Eddie didn’t say anything else, just sat there leaning into Buck. He shivered, still feeling the effects of being buried alive and crawling his way out.    
Buck eased away from him and stood up, holding out a hand. Eddie looked at it, confused. “Come on. You’re shivering, bath and then bed. We’ll order food.”    
Eddie took the hand he was offered. The raised calluses rough against torn skin. They made their way down to the bedroom, Eddie’s free hand tracing the walls as they went, committing them to memory. He stopped at every photo and every painting. Faces familiar to him, scenes from the past. He’d seen them all together.    
Another chill worked its way up his spine making him feel as if the cold would never leave. Buck opened the bathroom door, turning for the tub. A flick of the wrist and the sound of rushing water fills the room. Eddie takes a steadying breath. Reminds himself he’s alive. He’s home. With Buck. He watches as the younger man turns for the vanity, digging underneath it. He comes back up, a look of triumph on his face as he holds the blue bag.    
“This will help a little,” Eddie says nothing as Buck throws a scoop of Epsom salt into the now steaming water as the tub fills up. Sandalwood and lavender rose in the air, winding in through the vapors of water clear in the air. Eddie can’t say anything, doesn’t remember when the last time someone else had taken care of him.    
Buck sets the bag down and steps over but doesn’t touch him. His eyes search Eddie’s and Eddie isn’t sure what he's looking for, what he’s seeing. Whatever it is or was, makes the younger man nod to himself slightly. “I’m gonna go and get you some warm clothes.”    
He leaves Eddie standing in the bathroom, the tub filling up. Eddie isn’t sure what to do, stands there for a bit, feeling lost in his own home. Footsteps sound behind him and he turns towards them. Buck is standing there, a stack of clothes in his hands. His head tilts to the side. “You okay?”    
Eddie opens his mouth to speak, nothing coming out. He tries again, shaking his head at his lack of words. “I don’t know.” Because he isn’t really sure if he’s okay or not. He once again faced death and beaten it. How many more moments does he have? How many more times can he defeat the reaper to make it home to Christopher? It was stupid for him to cut the line, but Hayden would have died otherwise.    
“Eddie!” He’s jerked away from his thoughts by Buck calling his name. Probably not the first time. Buck’s blue eyes show concern in the low light of the bathroom. “Hey, you with me?” Eddie nods doesn’t trust his voice. If he opens his mouth, he’ll regret what comes out, probably. That’s how it always goes. Buck steps over, hands raised before he drops them to his sides. “Why don’t we get you in the tub, you’ll feel better.”    
Eddie nods again, reaches for the hem of his shirt, movements stiff. When he winces in pain, damn ribs, Buck takes over and helps him get the shirt off with minimal pain. It should be weird, having his best friend help him undress, but it’s not. Not after everything they’ve been through. He shivers again as the cool air moves against his naked skin. Buck helps him over to the tub, and he steps in, sits down, letting his body get used to the feeling of water. This time it’s to heal, it won’t hurt. He wonders if this is what Buck after the Tsunami.    
“I’ll be back,” Buck tells him after he turns the water off. Eddie looks up at him, hopes he conveys that it’s okay for him to leave the room after Buck hesitates for a moment. Finally, Buck exits and Eddie’s alone with his thoughts.    
A rush of guilt hits him, knows he doesn’t deserve someone looking after him after a stupid mistake as disobeying a direct order. And he especially doesn’t deserve Buck looking after him. Not when he could be at home, sleeping off the shift. He swallows back the tears, he knows they won’t stop once he lets them go. Eddie sinks lower into the water, letting the lavender and the Epsom salt try to work its magic, feels himself getting warmer. Closing his eyes, he leans back against the tub. When he hears footsteps, he opens his eyes to slits.    
Buck leans up against the door, looking better than before in one of Eddie’s old Army hoodies and a pair of sweats that are a little too short. “I had to raid your dresser. I forgot I took what I had here home to wash last week.”    
“It’s okay,” Eddie tells him because it is. He doesn’t wonder why it is. Like all things with Buck, everything has been easy with him, natural.    
Buck sits on the closed toilet seat lid, lets the quiet fill the space between them. Having another presence, another breath in the air makes it both harder and easier for Eddie to be himself. He fights back another chill, has to clench his jaw as a twinge makes his ribs hurt. Buck notices though. Always does. He rises from his position, crossing the small space to park half of himself on the edge of the tub. “How are you feeling really?”    
Eddie sighs. Of course, Buck sees him, even when he’s not talking, Buck sees him. “It’s a dull ache. Everywhere.”    
Buck looks down at him, turns and grabs a washcloth, hands it over. “I’d be surprised if you said nothing hurts. Want me to help or can you get this part?”    
Eddie opens his mouth, closes it, and his eyes. He doesn’t know how to ask for help. Knows he doesn’t deserve how kind Buck is being to him. “I got it.”    
“Alright.” Just then the doorbell rings. “That’s the food. I ordered Chinese.”    
“Thanks.”    
Buck leaves him to wash up and to go collect the food. Eddie washes up, then has to grit his teeth to get himself out of the tub and dressed. He knows sleep won’t come easy tonight.    
***   
Something from the black and white movie channel is playing on the tv, if you asked him what it was he couldn’t tell you. It’s low enough so it doesn’t break the quiet of the bedroom. They had dinner, neither eating a lot. And now they’re laying in Eddie’s bed, the movie flashing against the blank walls while it rains outside. Buck is a warm presence next to him and despite piling the blankets up around him, he still feels cold. Buck shifts a little in the bed, bringing himself closer to Eddie.    
“Still cold?”    
“A little. But I’ll warm up soon. Hopefully.”    
Buck doesn’t say anything in response, instead, he maneuvers Eddie over towards him, lets Eddie sprawl on top of him. “Buck.”    
“Sharing Body heat.” is all he says as he pulls the blankets around them, their entire frames tangling together.    
It’s when he can rest his head comfortably on Buck’s chest, in his own little cocoon that he breaks. The tears fall, slowly at first, knowing how gentle Buck has been the entire night, then faster as he thinks about what happened and what could have happened. He doesn’t deserve all of this. None of it.    
“I got you.” Buck holds him tighter. “You’re alive, Hayden is alive. You’re out.”    
He’s still sobbing, the pain not even phasing him. “I don’t..” he starts, more tears flooding his throat. “ **I don’t deserve this.** Any of it.”    
He feels the arms holding him squeeze gently. It’s easier to talk like this. “You deserve all of this and more Eddie. You did what you had to do. We all understood, even if no one is sure why.”    
“Hayden...he reminded me…” Eddie can’t bring himself to say it.    
Buck’s hand moves up and down his back over the blankets, It’s nice, to be able to fall apart with someone who gets him.    
“We’ll pick up Christopher in the morning. I think he’s earned a day to play hooky.”    
Eddie laughs, turns to wipe his face with his sleeve. “You’re going to turn into a bad influence for my kid.”    
“It’s one day out of however many he’s got left. Relax, dad. You both deserve it.”    
“And you?” Eddie picks his head up, sticks it outside of the blanket, making Buck laugh.    
“You shaved about twenty years off of my life. I’m supposed to be the stupid one, Eddie. I deserve a day off too.”    
Eddie just grins and squeezes one of Buck’s arms, then goes back to the cocoon he was in.    
He knows the nightmares will come, even if he doesn’t want them to, Eddie knows too that Buck will be right there. 

**Author's Note:**

> come scream at me on Tumblr @Kitkat0723


End file.
